I've been thinking 'green' this month--'eco green' (see my last post) and 'green with envy'. It all started earlier in the month. My folks and sister were leaving for three weeks in Europe. This isn't a one-time deal. They go about every other year, so it's a constant reminder that that is not in the budget for us, nor will it be for a long time. Then I started "blurfing" (blog surfing--I call it blurfing). And I see all these fun things others are doing and clever things others blog about. And, of course, I compare it to my blog, which is full of the daily grind of taking care of children. So, by now, I'm feeling sorry for myself and thinking "it's greener on the other side". So, last night I went to an Enrichment Activity at church. Our Relief Society pres. was telling us a story about three men who were asked why they were building the coliseum in Rome. The first said to make a living, the second said to build a building, and the third said to build a beautiful coliseum. Now the RS pres. was relating this to visiting teaching, but I thought of it as to how our attitude affects whatever we're doing in life. For me--raising children. I can think of it as merely cooking, cleaning, etc... for a family, or as raising two boys, or as loving and teaching two of Heavenly Father's sons to be valiant priesthood holders and return missionaries and men who will love their families and live the Gospel faithfully. It dawned on me that I have been
COMPLAINING ABOUT MY BLESSINGS. Instead of focusing on fixing tons of (unappreciated) meals, cleaning up "potty" accidents, and wiping tears, I can focus on the enjoyable moments, like Matt "playing" the piano while singing "Jesus Wants Me For a 'Sun Beep'". I think most of us tend to think others' stations and circumstances in life are better than our own. If this is not a problem for you, please let me know how you do it. I've kind of been having a mini "mid life" crisis because I'll be 35 this year and have been wondering if we should have any more children. I should be grateful I have a choice. I know plenty of others that really don't have a choice, can't choose when, or even if, they have more children. The other issue is being 35. I don't feel 35. That sounds so much older than I feel. When I see people on TV that are in their early thirties (younger than me), I think they look older than me but it makes me wonder if I look that old. In January I started a 'gratitude' journal to help discover the blessings from Adam's OCD. I should start finding all the blessings in every aspect on my life. So, anyhow, these are my rantings. Now I'll get on with my life. Besides, the boys are telling me there's a dead worm in the study.
5 comments:
Thanks for that post Heidi! I have been feeling a little the same way. You have given me a new way to start looking at things. And no, you don't look 35...I think the same thing when I see people my age on tv. Let's run away to Never Never Land...then we won't have to grow up...ha ha!
Heidi,
I feel your pain. I also will be 35 this year, yet I don't feel a day over 21ish. We struggled with the idea of having a third baby as well, and obviously you know what our decision was there :) But I can't imagine life without her. Josh was also diagnosed with OCD 2 years ago. And between that, a new baby, my "health" and a tweener daughter life gets pretty ragged sometimes. This year I've decided we're supposed to slow down and enjoy every single moment. Every single "this looks too gross to eat, mom!" every little tiny step. And if you're already there...sit back and enjoy. You're absolutely right...those are your greatest blessings! -Jen
OK I am so glad that someone else feels this way. I turned 34 this year and realized that I don't think that at this time we are suppose to have another child. This was kind of heart breaking as I always thought that we would have about 4 or 5 but I just don't feel like we are suppose to have another right now. This of course makes me wonder if I am just feeling this way because things are tight (for everyone else too) and I am working part time, and am I less of a person (in church terms) for being ok with just having two kids. We really do feel complete at this time. Well I guess time will tell. Also I know this kind of sound High School ish but some times I wish that we could travel like you and Rob do. I love to see your photos of the beach and the places you go. And I am soooooo jealous of your big house. Well ok enough of the grass greener on the other side. I know that when I slow down and enjoy the simple and small moments I really realize the awesome blessings that I have, even though they might not be like some one elses.
We hear what you are going through. Somehow heavenly father lets us all go through these experiences for our own good. Even though raising kids, cooking, cleaning, etc., etc. looks so mundane, it is the most rewarding thing you will ever do when you look back upon it. Believe it or not you will miss the days when you were wiping away tears, reading books, cleaning up toys, cooking for your little ones, etc.
Don't take these moments for granted. You are doing such a good job as parents. Keep up the good work. As grandparents, we would like more grandkids! (Does this help your decision? ha, ha, ha.)
Two silly thoughts: 1) Last night I called Derek 35 and he corrected me that he is 36. I said, "When did you turn 36?" I don't feel like he is 36! Like you, we feel younger than most people our age- that feeling is a blessing.
2) A worm in your study? One blessing is that you have that study in which to find a worm!
I hear you, Heidi. I don't feel like I'm 34, but I look in the mirror and wonder how I look to others! But I can tell you, you look great to me- I think of you as I'm going through my daily grind and wonder how you always pull yourself together along with your two boys. I just manage to pull the babies together. And I think of you doing that half marathon or going to girls' camp... and wonder where you found the time and energy to do it. And I try to remind myself that I am not at the same place in life as you, even though I am the same age. See, your grass is greener to the otherside, as well!
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